fear of (a) average mind

you are human, no thing you do is wrong

You & Me #

Sometimes in dreams i create a character so alien to my personality i wake up and think, how did i "make" that person. Is a case of, lets call it, "cross-dreaming". Does somebody else, somewhere in the world, wake up and think, how did i create that Johnie character. Just a thought.

Dreams
Dreams Originally uploaded by John Le Fucker.

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it #

Your breeder is standing as she births you. You exit and start to fall, so far so good.

Some time into this state you find yourself, you realize the breeder must be supported by something and you are going to hit that thing.

You are soft. Hitting that thing is going to hurt. You have a fear.

Hit
Hit Originally uploaded by John Le Fucker.

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There are worlds between us #

Well i go to another world, another life i have, more specific... Second Life.OK, what is Second Life (SL)... the ultimate chat-room, a 3D virtual environment, a brave new world. You will just have to join and see what it is to you (it's free). But let me warn you, you do get "Very" drawn into it, one quote i heard was "if you don't have a first life, don't go in Second Life". i sometimes think i don't log on SL, rather i log OFF RL (real life).

Well i fleeted around being happy, discovered the sex ^_~. One night looking for a quick shag became a BDSM slave, did that for a while, became a runaway slave, did a sort of pilgrimage around SL looking into the different aspects of BDSM, Dolcett (murder/being eaten fantasies), Vampire, Ageplay (you can guess what that is), furries (not beastuality, being an animal in SL is something different), Gorean (BDSM lifestyle based on novels by John Norman) and many, many more.Don't get me wrong, i am no stranger to BDSM (online) i have "played" it in chat rooms but SL takes it to a strange new level. SL is FULL of it and the players take it very serious (a lot of them are D/s in RL).

Another side story related to that, i had 5 police people trying to break into my flat... i met a woman, we got on, she didn't reveal her RL much (a lot of people are like that in SL), that's OK (tho you do sometimes think it's a man with a female AV (avatar). Me i couldn't give a shit (in fact i just made a URL thing that spins above my AVs head which is a link to this blog). i told her about my blogs and she visited nice and wanted to make a comment, well instead of pressing the comment link she e-mailed me form her e-mail FROM HER OWN DOMAIN, which meant i just take the nikki@ from the front of her e-mail address and i have her personal family web-site (i really hate stupid people). i think this pissed her off (no my fault she is a fool) and may of twisted inside her how fucking stupid she had been, blaming me FFS. A few days later, just surfing the net, a lot of banging and people looking in my kitchen window, now when people knock on my door i usually just leave it, they go away eventually, these didn't. They started poking thing through my letterbox, here's me now panicking, who the fuck are these humans trying to get at me, bailiffs, a gang of estate "boys" who have decided to fuck up the "different" one, who the fuck knows, they were fucking humans IN MY FUCKING LIFE. So i pick up a F Clamp ready to brain some cunt, i leave it for a while then i shout "Who is it ?". The only answer i get is "Can you open the door". This goes on for a while, why the police did just identify themselves straight away i don't know, well fucking stupid. Anyway they say it's the police, will i don't let them in, i really don't give a fuck who you think you is, you is human so i ask them what they want, "it's about a web-site"...
WHAT the fuck ??
a blog post. Yes you got it folks, the police are breaking into my flat over a post on my blog, WOW. This is what they do now, you write a depressing post and some fool calls the police AND THEY ACT ON IT. i open the door and there are 5-7 police people. just wow. Anyway she had phoned the police (how the fuck do you start a call like that) and "sent" them round. They ask if i am OK and explain about the blog post and i am like, WTF. i really was shocked that they act on stuff like this, i mean if they read Livejornal they would have no time to do any other crime solving. So they want to "come in and look around", and get this, this is what he said "in case you have someone in there". Thats it, in case i have someone tied up in my bath and i am cutting bits of their body off. i suppose the police have a nice buzz-word for someone like me, someone to keep an eye on, someone dead and yet still around. Not "stop-in", that's to easy, something like "enders", zombies, "at risk of killing. They just assume that coz i am sick of life and humans that as i just stay in my flat quietly dying my mind will turn to killing, coz i am a human i want to kill, i really do not think there has ever been a decent human on this earth. So i say that only one can come in, he does, sees i have no bodies lying around, nice that, i suppose that's why there was about 6 of them. All the time i am saying to them "you really just came to my flat over a blog post". They go.
i suspect she is a bit of a psycho and has MAJOR problems, you do not send the police around to someones house over a blog post, fucking sad. Anyway this is her family web-site (i have no problem sending you to her web-site, she sent fucking police to my flat), really fucked up woman. You know i think she might of just wanted to get on this blog, sort of impact her life on mine. People always want their life in yours, always want to effect the course of your life with theirs, i suppose it validates them.
P.S. if ye in SL stay away from "Watchme Stradling" and her alt AV, "Honey Soon", just save yourself the problems later on and stay the fuck away. And if you are reading this Nikki, get help and stay to fuck out of peoples lives.

SL taught me not to trust anyone online, i have met a lot of males playing female AVs (i once did it and had a nice lesbian night), lots od people who say they are one thing and are not. Voice has come to SL and that helps a bit but for the most part, whoever you met in SL, do not trust. Having said that i have met some nice people to (i think). Me, i am a Magpie now, everybody loves my AV and it brings a smile (:

i looked out of my window and there on a branch was a beautiful crow, which i envisioned was saying hello.

i find it funny that the only way i can be with humans now is online, when i get in the RL presences i get all hot and sweaty and for some reason my nose always feels like it is running, i really hate being around humans, weird (no way i would want one in my flat, dying or otherwise).

some pix from the world:







































































Mental state:
not with you

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